I feel like that I have been working and sleeping nonstop for the last couple of weeks. I am desperate for some time off, and that will be coming up very soon!
The hospital has been overflowing with very sick people recently, and it has gotten me down. Our surgeons haven't been able to do heart surgeries because the hospital is so full, there aren't any rooms for the surgeries. Our unit, usually for the heart surgeries, is having to take other very sick patients that come in from through the ER, as overflow. Just to give you an idea of how sick people are, we have 50 critical care beds in our hospital and all of them are full. That isn't the unusual part. What is so unusual is that 38 out of 50 critical care patients are on ventilators. One respiratory therapist told me this week that our hospital was actually running very low on vents, and may have to start borrowing from other hospitals. (We don't actually have that few vents, but they are necessary for all of our surgeries, critical care beds, ER, etc. When there are more vents in critical care, less to go around for other things.)
As I have told you before, most of our patients are easily rehabilitated and are in and out of our unit in a couple of days. We don't have many longtermers. Until now. I had a 52 year old man have a normal heart surgery, unable to be weaned from the vent, now he has a tracheostomy. I worked my tail off trying to keep that man from going to get the trach, but in the end there was nothing I could do. That was hard. I know it was completely out of my control, but I felt like such a failure.
One particular patient has been weighing on my mind this week, and has made work extra emotional for me. This lady came to our unit on Sunday night right at shift change when my coworkers and I were arriving for the night. She should have been in Neuro ICU, but because the hospital is so full, she had to come to the only open bed in the hospital, in CVRU. She had a car accident the day before and was brought to the emergency room. She spent 19 hours in the ER having multiple tests run and waiting on a bed to open up.
This lady went into cardiac arrest while driving to pick up dinner for her family. She ran into the side of a building unconscious. Then she was brought to our hospital. An EEG (a test for brain function) was done, and it found that there is little to no brain activity. She is 49 years old. Yes, 49. That is 2 years younger than my momma. She has a husband who comes and holds her hand every night and prays with her. She has two of the most beautiful teenage daughters. She is a special-ed teacher. She has visitors flowing in and out, praying over her, loving on her, and talking to her. Her family is having a difficult time making any kind of decision about what to do for her next, and absolutely for good reason.
Y'all, life is short! You hear that every single day, but I see it every single day! Not everyone gets a chance to say goodbye or I love you, one last time. I keep thinking of that family, and how sad they must be. They are soon going to lose their matriarch, and then what? They never knew that when she walked out the door to buy them dinner, that she wouldn't ever walk back in.
Just last night in our ER there was a 25 year old thrown from her car and died 2 hours after she arrived to the hospital. Only a couple of hours before that an ambulance was bringing in a 12 year old who was accidentally run over (with a car) by his own mother. I am telling you that your next hour may be your first hour in heaven! Are you prepared for that?
I have learned so much as a new nurse. There is no other lesson more important than to live without regrets. I know it sounds so cliche, but I wouldn't be saying this if I didn't believe it. Everyone faces problems and trials. Everyone has bad days, bad weeks, and heck, even bad years. It is so important not to let those things get in the way of life. Our God is greater than any problem that we face, and those trials "too shall pass."
When you leave home today, hug your family a little tighter, say "I love you" one more time, take the time to call your loved ones, do not go to bed angry. I am trying very hard to fit as much living into my life, not to worry and dwell so much, to stress less, and to LOVE more. Love more. That is something none of us will ever regret.
